Nine. Fifteen.

1.  I hold so much hate for and in my belly.

2. The whistle of a tea kettle always brings me back.

3. Littles staying awake to see me return. The best hugs & kisses.

4.  When was the last time your own hands roamed your skin?

5. He makes me laugh. His laughter. He brings my smile back.

6.  The full moon, such a beacon.

7. Saw Sixteen Candles for the first time. Child of the eighties, not a fan of that decade but the movie is certainly a classic.

8.  Fear can be vigilant, not blind terror, right?

9.  Running in heavy humidity, feeling the weight.

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Becoming. Me…

betta

Photograph by Visarute Angkatavanich

Searching for me in all the wrong places.

The gorgeous guide, Hannah Marcotti, the inspiringly beautiful Kimberly Wilson, the nourishing Mara Glatzel, the shining millionaire Leonie Dawson, the Art of Simple lady Tsh Oxendreider, the woman who captures beauty, Susannah Conway, the journal amazing Jen of Journal Wild, the man of Zen Habits Leo Babuta, and the straight up powerhouse Danielle Laporte.

Not me.

Inspiration vs. Emulation.

Stepping away from the voices not my own. Holding space for the silent whispers of my heart and soul to reveal themselves.

Metamorphosis: noun trans·fig·u·ra·tion : a change in form or appearance : an exalting, glorifying, or spiritual change

I have been in a creative void these past few weeks. Feeling as if I am staring into a muddled well of hurt and confusion. I have been trying to wait patiently for the water to settle so I can see answers more clearly.

Like a caterpillar turned to goo before becoming a butterfly, I am in the transformation stage. In the gray space of uncertainty and discomfort I am nourishing and tending to myself. Keeping the tender, tiny bloom of a new beginning soon to unfold cherished and hidden.

It is taking longer than I have patience for!

Sigh

In the interim, here are some ideas and things I have been doing to #fill my well with nourishment and inspiration.

  • Connect with yourself. Probably by being quiet.
  • Spend time alone
  • Go on a walk
  • Dance
  • Meditate the way you like
  • Sing with a smile
  • Laugh down to your belly
  • Pray any way
  • Try a new creative endeavor
  • Get a fish. The peaceful glide of one so light.
  • Rest-create a soothing space to have delight-filled dreams.
  • Light a candle and take a few breaths and watch the flame. Primal peace.
  • A new journal. Fresh starts for a new season soon coming.
  • Treat yourself with gentleness and speak words of sweet.
  • Vision & create your own unique self-care routine
  • Daydream, cloud watch, spend time outside,
  • Play in water (a pool, lake, ocean, etc),
  • Be present for a sunrise or sunset

Who or what is inspiring you? go & get some!

What can you do more of that makes you really alive & happy?

What can bring more playfulness, fun & celebration in your life?

What energy do you want to feel from your day?

What would you like your day to look like?

You are made of dreams, my inspire.

This Heavy Sadness

hourglass

I cried and watched heat lightning flash

a strobe light in the sky, falling rain as my soundtrack to

a heart heavy with envy and reality.

Longing to be

someone other

Than

Me.

A stark and cutting realization:
My hurt stems and is rooted down in feeling so very alone

and the knowing

there is no one to rescue me, no one  to give me approval, no one to write my poem.

It’s up to me.

This realization has only come from losing, in one way or another, those who I thought might be up for the tasks.

It was never their job and yet I hoped, wished, wanted and thought

they could do it.

So I waited,

and poured into them,

and waited

and tried to love them the best way I knew how,

and waited

and lost parts of myself trying to be what I thought was worthy of their affections and deserving of their time.

There is no me being victim

I chose to wait

and now

The wait is over.

I do not know how or if, this will change my life.

I think it will shift intentions and focus to me.

Empowering and frightening. 

As all the fabulous things in life are.

You Know Who you Are

Better to see the video

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Inexpensive Pleasures

simple pleasures.jpg

That first sip

the scent and feel of cherry blossoms unfolding

To know, in my soul space: I am unlimited

Dreaming of an Ideal Day

A time to connect deeply to the nectar of my heart

and drop into joy, as a prayer

Live Love Learn

Yoga in every breath and body movement

Exploration. Wandering. Wonder.

Fateful encounters

Imagination

Discovery

A moment just for me.

What are some of your simple pleasures?

Dearest, you are a delight.

 

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Dreaming

Dreaming

Let’s lead the way

dreams, draw, build your vision

courageously & fearlessly

LOVE

Unfolding the next chapter in your story…

Give it a name

It will feel right to your soul

Experience More Possibilities

Then

the feelings inside the dreams

smoothness, sharpness and hard to describeness

Mouthwatering Untamed Raw Wonder

To boldly go…

Light Up in the Amazing

I lost my heart there.

What are you deep, wild dreams?

Your dreams are aching to be seen, my treasure.

Cherish your visions and your dreams, as they are the children of your soul. -Napoleon Hill

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First Look

First Look

Our sacred beginnings, a cup and a poem.

Your role of beautiful brilliance

especially when it is ordinary

You are

amazing, inspiring, incredible

You are

an eternal exhale

and you inhale renewal & new beginnings.

So full of flavor and the unique taste of you.

Make today BLOOM.

Set your soul free with serenity at sunrise

because

your story starts here…

How do you greet the day?

Your brilliance is showing, my love.

 

 

Image from Pinterest