Nine. Forty One.

1.  The soft hush of winter woods, beckoning enter.

2.  How do the small creatures stay warm in such bitter cold?

3. Breath in puffs of smoke, lifted to the sky.

4.  So. Much. Silence.

5.  I relish the way the cold makes steps quicker & with purpose. A time when others move as I do. 

6.  “Peace is every step” -Thich Naht Hahn

7.  Aware everytime my skin touches my skin. A flame in each fingertip, leaving a trail of warmth in the wake of the whorls.

8.  Dancing.

9. Peace descends everytime I see the picture above & can’t help but sigh & soften.  Beauty.

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Nine. Forty.

1. I believe in the importance of writing through, dancing into your dreams and knowing you.

2. Soft sweet enoughness. Deep sighing.

3.  What would it be like to dwell in the softening?

4. A Paradox Sideways: a life scripted in chaos of dreams shattering & glittering. The title of my memoirs.

5.  You are wanted in your wild, especially then.

6. Trust me, you’re lovely.

7.  Let’s pretend…

8.  I want to be strongly & honestly myself.

9.  “At some point in life the world’s beauty becomes enough. You don’t need to photograph, pain,t or even remember it. It is enough.” -Toni Morrison 

Nine. Thirty Seven.

1. Hands and the stories they hold.

2. “Today carve out a quiet interlude for yourself in which to dream, pen in hand. Only dreams give birth to change.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach

3.  Connecting to breath with a hand on my heart. Always so telling.

4.  “She is both, hellfire & holy water. And the flavor you taste depends on how you treat her.” -Sneha Pal

5. Dreaming in colors which have no name. Their significance echoes inside me.

6. “Soyons amoureux” Let’s fall in love. Yes. Lets. Until reality. And the fall out.

7.  The way eyelashes fall upon cheeks when one is asleep. Breathtaking.

8. Family. I HATE the word.

9. “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” -Anais Nin

Nine. Thirty Six.

1. Hair held by hairpins, hairspray & hope.

2. Is there a life spray?! Harhar.

3. A walk in the dark & rain. A cleansing of a kind.

4. Windows of opportunity. 

5. I am disappearing, again.

6. These broken wings of hope & trust.

7. So, now, what will I do?

8. I am in the mood for so much delete & fresh start beginnings.

9. Dappled sunbeams flick

   Light on my upturned face, I

   Crave the sun’s kisses.

Nine. Thirty Five.


1. Wrapped in the softness of gray and the hush of a new day.

2. Everytime I watch Labor Day I feel my heart soften & open in the best of ways.

3. Even when I watched it while editing a business contract.

4. I just want to hold them close to my heart, tight against my chest.

5. Writing until my heart gives out.

6. Seeking redemption in words.

7. Feeling my way to normalcy.

8. I am so in wanting.

9. I want his whiskey kiss

   On my parted lips

   Inhaling him into me.

Nine. Thirty four.

1. So promising…

2. I miss him. All. The. Time.

3.  My throat is constricted. Where is my voice?

4. Where is she?

5. Dried roses & handwritten letters. Simple beauty.

6. The first sip of hot coffee, so good I shiver.

7. His little hand petting my hair.

8. Tears hover just behind my eyelids. 

9. Pressing my face into something green lightens me briefly. 

Nine. Thirty two.

113

1. Feeling achingly tender & oh so much.

2. We talked as if we never stopped. But we did.

3. I am allowed to ask questions without fear of you leaving.

4. She has what I most want. And more.

5. Who wants my life?

6. “Be bright but don’t dazzle.” – Leo Tau

7. I wish to be & pour out a fierce, warm honeyed magic.

8. The more I feel misunderstood, the less I eat.

9. What do I need to remember about myself?