Nine. Thirty.

1. He asked, “why did they have to go?” I still cry & I don’t know.

2. My voice has power.

3. I value mystery more than connection. Where does this leave me?

4.  She haunts me.

5.  I am having a hard time being here. 

6. Candy corn scarve. Tis the season.

7. So, what do you say?

8. I’m a rebel just for kicks. Feel it Still by Portugal. The Man.

 9. Thirty days of writing nine noticings has been revealing, and now on to another thing…

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Nine. Twenty Nine.

1. He calls it his “war hawk.” It’s a plastic parrot. All in the naming…

2. A lone yellow flower still in bloom.

3. I dumped his cereal on the floor. I am so tired of catering to his every & so many fears.

4.  I thoroughly enjoy organizing. Then I come back to my reality. 

5. Traumatic. Disappointment.

6. I am already done with this day. It’s 8:15. In the morning.

7.  They had a picnic in the sunshine on a dark blue blanket.

8. Joy is the best makeup. -Anne Lamott

9. But first, some rebellion.

Nine. Twenty Eight.

1. I long to be the desired. Not the default.

2. Cooler weather & classical piano music. I feel myself soften & sink.

3. How can I work with the interruptions?

4.  These daily challenges & struggles are eroding my heart.

5.  No matter what I do or don’t do, I will never look the exact way I want to. 

6. Acceptance feels like quitting.

7. Constant striving feels like a sword impaling.

8. These few moments of silence were not worth the fight to get them.

9. Balance?

Nine. Twenty Seven.

1. “I am profoundly enchanted by the flowing complexity in you.” -John Keats

2. Celery, onions & carrots in the soup pot. The triumphant trio. Always a great beginning.

3.  He called someone a poop head. Preschool profanity.  

4. Always thinking about efficiency. What if I pondered enjoyment?

5.  Is there something more important than happiness? 

6. Shift

7. “The marvelous thing about a good question is that it shapes our identity as much by the asking as it does by the answering.” -David Whyte

8. “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild & precious life?”. -Mary Oliver

9. May we ask the deep & important & best questions.

Nine. Twenty Five.

1. When I speak aloud I find myself editing, selling & getting excited all at the same time.  A verbal mess.

2. She moves toward me, wanting to be held. Sweet baby hugs.

3.  The sky is a bright blue, a canvas protecting us all.

4. Teasing is not a love language.

5. I am so hungry, yet nothing sounds good to eat.

6. May I make eye contact. Hold my gaze. 

7.  I do not appreciate his humor.

8.  The grass is calling to be rested upon as the sun shines down. 

9. Her giggles. I can’t help but laugh too.

Nine. Twenty Three.

1. The cool weather today calls for soup!

2. She returns to her not sleeping habit. I go back to yelling.

3.  Listening to classical solo piano changes the way my heart beats.

4.  How can I help?

5. The fish still make me smile.

6. Black polished nails growl for glitter.

7. I magnify his stress, how can I just listen & let him know he is heard & held?

8. She pats my back when I pick her up. Comfort returned & given.

9. Today I shall be…eyes wide, mouth shut.