I cried and watched heat lightning flash
a strobe light in the sky, falling rain as my soundtrack to
a heart heavy with envy and reality.
Longing to be
A stark and cutting realization:
My hurt stems and is rooted down in feeling so very alone
and the knowing
there is no one to rescue me, no one to give me approval, no one to write my poem.
It’s up to me.
This realization has only come from losing, in one way or another, those who I thought might be up for the tasks.
It was never their job and yet I hoped, wished, wanted and thought
they could do it.
So I waited,
and poured into them,
and tried to love them the best way I knew how,
and lost parts of myself trying to be what I thought was worthy of their affections and deserving of their time.
There is no me being victim
I chose to wait
The wait is over.
I do not know how or if, this will change my life.
I think it will shift intentions and focus to me.
Empowering and frightening.
As all the fabulous things in life are.
Better to see the video