This Heavy Sadness

hourglass

I cried and watched heat lightning flash

a strobe light in the sky, falling rain as my soundtrack to

a heart heavy with envy and reality.

Longing to be

someone other

Than

Me.

A stark and cutting realization:
My hurt stems and is rooted down in feeling so very alone

and the knowing

there is no one to rescue me, no one  to give me approval, no one to write my poem.

It’s up to me.

This realization has only come from losing, in one way or another, those who I thought might be up for the tasks.

It was never their job and yet I hoped, wished, wanted and thought

they could do it.

So I waited,

and poured into them,

and waited

and tried to love them the best way I knew how,

and waited

and lost parts of myself trying to be what I thought was worthy of their affections and deserving of their time.

There is no me being victim

I chose to wait

and now

The wait is over.

I do not know how or if, this will change my life.

I think it will shift intentions and focus to me.

Empowering and frightening. 

As all the fabulous things in life are.

You Know Who you Are

Better to see the video

Pinterest Images

Clean Slate

clean slate

Let it be

this lust for life, all our

pride and joy.

 

Explore the power of your

black & white

and the ever-softness and

sensuality of grey.

Find your balance,

your life of paradox and grit of in-between.

Unleash the magic as beauty is amplified

and

explore your bit of serene.

This is the moment…

Where is your wild devotion?

What is your own quiet revolution?

Always by your side, Darling.