Candy Clouds & Gray Skies

phone-november-till-13-185

Swirls & twirls of sunshine & rains encompass the world I live in. The shattering of dreams, constantly in need of letting go. Fly away & leave me a moment of peace.

I don’t know what or how to dream clean dreams anymore. Fantasies with true lines and clarity. The black and white of life has blurred and faded to a gray of encompassing proportions. I believe there is a sensuality here. A depth of truth & reality, previously unseen by me. The bright bold colors of before seem garish in their loud pompous mirth & covering up of reality.

Both sides of the coin are now seen and I can’t go back to just seeing the top half. Resting on the edge, I see both the beauty and the mess. The chaos and tranquility. The paradox of the present. All love is bittersweet. Pain in pleasure.

I still struggle at times to completely allow this new life to be seen & embraced. I want to purge the pill I have taken, yet I can’t. It is lodged in my heart.  Dissolving slowly, revealing nuances and tiny dots of hard truth. I try to turn away, avert my gaze, close my eyes but the scenes are burned into my retinas, already known in my soul. Just taking time for my brain to adjust.

So now what?

Who am I? This twirling mess of questions and wonderings. No answers. All madness. Yet a strange peace exists here too. Oh no, no the kind of still water peace of silence and simplicity. The peace found in knowing all is impermanent. All is change. All is well. All is part of this wild ride.

Is is not my place to control, to struggle for perfection. It is my place to create, breathe, be and

Love.

So much love.

Radiating out like sunbeams peeking from behind a puffy cotton ball cloud.

Though, as of late, I am more interested in what is inside the cloud…

146

Advertisements