In My Surrendering

2015-11-25 06.56.03

Doubts. My Fear. The Surrender.

I need space.

Space to create.

Surrender.

Just be.

I feel like I can’t stop moving.

Can’t stop asking the questions, seeking the deep answers, always trying to fix, heal & discover.

I am weary.

I want to simply be in my now.

As me.

No more apologizing, hiding, concealing, or feeling shame.

 I struggle with explosive feelings & deep desires.

With addictions & soul warfare.

I read the books, do the exercises, set the goals, make the boards.

Strive. Wrestle. Fight. Wrench.

Break down.

All in hopes to find someone else hidden there.

Someone not like me.

A person who is peaceful, patient & tenacious.

One who does the right thing in the eyes of her loving partner.

The woman who is proud to be a mamma & a wife.

I am ashamed I am none of those things.

So I light a candle. Eyes set to soft & gaze at the blaze.

Tears stream. Sobs shake.

I want to melt into & open up to…

Surrender

 

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